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I cannot imagine having human kids (but yet I think about it) and dealing with the roller coaster ride I have been on.

I know if and when I leave I will leave with the clothes on my back and probably half the debt since I just do not have the energy to fight for anything.

Last October we went to a wedding and he was on fire and spiraling out of control on the way there.

After he drank heavily for two days and was a monster to be around, he finally crashed.

Then slowly the bizarre (well familiar to me) and controlling behavior started to creep into our lives.

I do not think I noticed at first but my closest friends (all on guard) would ask me if he was on his meds.

He keeps convincing him to prescribe the meds without getting the blood work done or the counseling.

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I looked at the date on his pills and they should have been done weeks ago.He started to say he really didn’t think he needed the meds and they prevented him from being the superstar at work he needed to be.As time progressed, I started to sink back into my hole and things progressed to bad.We lost one of them in December and the other one is pretty old and I hope he will never pass on but I do think how I will not have any ties after that.Of course, we just got a puppy but I feel she is way stronger than my other two and would be happy to live with her dad. (I think the cat will go with me no matter what.) I know this is all silly rambling but honestly it is the tie that binds.I thought I had to give it another shot for the man I loved, our dogs, cat and the life we had built together.

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