You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.
Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.
Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.
Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.
When I spoke to him again about it, he did apologise and said he won’t do it again but he then came out with a load of stuff about how unhappy he was in the marriage, that we never spend time together (which is true), but I don’t think it is fair for him to blame me.
Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.
At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.
A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.
It can be easy to feel overwhelmed by all of the dating app possibilities, or by the prospect of dating in general, but if the blizzard that the East Coast just got hit with is any indication, people are out en masse in search of connection, and that is only more true as the temperatures drop.
In fact, winter storms and cold weather in general are the best time for dating, so now may be the time to jump into the fray.
These days, lots of dating apps pull your information from Facebook, allow you to add some additional stats, and get started on swiping and messaging from there, which means that the social media juggernaut is practically a requirement for online dating.