Dating separation anxiety


But the rewards of being open with your partner (without being naive or gullible) are enormous and multifarious: stronger bonding often results in long-lasting relationships.Early on you should confer with your intimate partner and inform him of what, to you, constitutes a threat: what types of conduct he should avoid and what modes of communication he should eschew.The “Volatility Threshold” instrument is a compilation of 1-3 types of behaviours that you consider critically desirable (“deal-makers”) in your partner.Observe him and add up the number of times he had acted inconsistently and, thus, reversed these crucial aspects of his behavior substantially and essentially.In short: if you want your relationships to last, you should express your emotions and concerns on a regular basis.You should knowingly and willingly assume all the risks associated with doing so: of exposing the chinks in your armour; of your vulnerabilities and blind spots being abused, exploited, and leveraged; of being misunderstood, even mocked.The codependent’s reflexive responses to her inner turmoil are self-defeating and counterproductive.They often bring about the very outcomes she fears most.

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But, the secret of the longevity of long-term relationships lies in being who you are, in acting transparently, in externalizing your internal dialog and inner voices.It will serve as an antidote to uncertainty and the anxiety attendant upon it.Next use the “Volatility Threshold” and the “Threat Monitoring” tools.Decide in advance how many “strikes” would constitute a “deal-breaker” and when he reaches this number – simply leave.Do not share with him either the existence or the content of this “test” lest it might affect his performance and cause him to playact and prevaricate.But these outcomes also tend to buttress her worldview (“the world is hostile, I am bound to get hurt”) and sustain her comfort zone (“abuse and abandonment are familiar to me; at least I know the ropes and how to cope with them.”) This is why she needs to exit this realm of mirrored fears and fearsome mental tumult.

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