Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone?The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most.There is another general rule in making a wrenching decision. That is, whichever course is more reversible might be considered first. Loneliness and anxiety, among other troubles, are almost universally difficult for partners of alcoholics. This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 at pm and is filed under Addiction, Couples-Marriage, Transition.In your case, it is much easier to recover from the mistake of waiting a bit more, than to recover after discovering that divorce was a mistake. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.Choices 3 and 4 would be the most attentive, well-equipped approach to staying with her, vs. In other words, the way in which you select a choice and then follow through on it what is important, and it is where you can make nitty-gritty choices on a day-to-day basis.The working out of those specifics might be where your attention is going to be productive. Al-Anon is not for everyone in your situation, but those who do find it helpful would probably say that it’s the repeated attendance that makes it work. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen ― you can make it happen. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced.
A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schoolers about the Jewish idea of love. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone. Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person." Every hand went up. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge.You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her. I’ve been to an Al-Anon meeting but it’s not enough.