He finally said “I’m going to leave the phone here on the couch and you can talk to the air. On Saturday I received confirmation for a place for my cat, and so I called my husband so he would know about the trade and where to take Ruben. So I emailed him and told him it was urgent, and he agreed to call me last night, which he did do.
I’m going about my business.” Which is when I begged him to arrange a specific time to postpone it to. When I told him of how Ruben now has a foster family, all of a sudden he was ready to set up Skype. He was telling me of how he can take care of Ruben and that he would set up Skype before his next offday. But I was practicing being firm, and told him that I had made arrangements and Ruben needed to be turned over to the foster family.
I also told him that I was still looking for a foster family for Klaus [my mini schnauzer].
It was at this point that he was being accommodating to me, and it felt weird but it made me feel good because I wasn’t giving in. My husband is a self-centered type, and he’s proud that he’s that way. When we got married, I knew of his selfishness to an extent, but I figured I would be a balancing unit in his life, and he in mine. :( This is a more complicated issue because you agreed to put yourself in a situation with your ex (very bad idea) and you are now stuck. And having to deal with these issue long-distance makes it almost impossible to remove him from the equation.
When Skype wouldn’t connect he said, “Can we do this another night?
” in a very stern “I don’t want to be doing this right now” tone.
You only need to be unavailable for a few times before these requests start to taper off. My girlfriend used to have the same problem and it bothered her a lot. The concept that someone thinks you’re too accommodating is irrelevant.
I have been told that I allow people to walk over me, use me, etc.
It occurs because I am by nature very accommodating, peace loving, and directly avoid conflict.
It’s going to need some time to unlock with you if you dont mind – that said, here’s a quick piece of insight: You’re highlighting far more here than your afore mentioned desire to be less accomodating.
You’ve actually given us a fairly interesting insight into your relationship and communication with your ex-partner.
Once you straighten this out, use an objective third party for any negociatios.